Can I Get A Beer With My Slice?

The following takes place around 10PM Saturday, January 23rd.

The kids had been in bed for a couple of hours and were sleeping soundly.  Now, if I could only get the dog to stop barking.  I was downstairs paying close attention to the news.  Well, maybe it was more like nodding off on the couch while the tv was on, but now we're just splitting hairs.  Anyway, so I'm downstairs and Melissa is upstairs doing who knows what.  Just a quiet night at the Drozd household.  But, if that's the case, then this will be a boring read.

All of a sudden I was awakened from my slumber... ummm... errr... my attention to the important goings on in the world was shattered by my wife screaming and yelling upstairs.  As these weren't screams of excitement for winning the lottery or something similar I felt obligated to race upstairs and find out what was going on.  Of course, I was at a loss as to what possibly could have happened to cause her to let loose with a (partially) profanity laced outburst loud enough to wake up the kids had it continued.  I finally found her only to discover that her thumb was bleeding profusely while she was wrapping it in tissue.  She didn't tell me that a slasher flick was filming at our house.

She finally calmed down somewhat.  What follows is an excerpt of the conversation that we had:

J: What happened?!
M: I sliced my thumb.
J: How did you do that?
M: I was using my rotary cutter to trim a paper blind and it slipped.
J: Did you cut it off?
M: No.
M: I think I need to go to the ER.
J: Really?!  Let me see it.
J: Hmmm.
J: (In a serious tone) Do you think you can drive yourself to the ER?  I am not calling an ambulance to take you and I don't really want to get the kids out of bed.
M: I don't know if I can.

Fortunately, Melissa was able to get a hold of one of her friends who was willing to come over and stay with the kids while we went to the ER.

11PM  We walk into the ER and it is dead.  I think all of the nurses working that night were huddled around the reception desk just waiting for us to walk in.  Melissa got checked in and brought back to a room right away.  Both of us were thinking "OK, great... we'll be in and out."  Ha!  Guess again.  It's the ER.  Guests check-in, but they don't checkout.  At least that's the goal.  OK, bad joke... couldn't resist.  The point is that the visit was not quick.


12:30AM  The ER Dr. finally makes an appearance.  I should point out that when he finally showed up to look at Melissa's thumb it wasn't bleeding very much and some of the pain had subsided.  Of course, this made Melissa start to second guess whether she should have come to the ER.  However, the next few minutes took away any doubt she had.  First, the doc took the gauze off of Melissa's thumb.  So far, so good.  Next, he took the thumb between his fingers.  Still doing OK.  Finally, he squeezed it.  At this point things got interesting as squeezing the thumb had two effects.  Effect #1 - the thumb was now gushing blood.  Effect #2 - the squeezing caused Melissa a teeny, tiny bit of pain.  I need to clarify that I am not 100% positive Melissa was in pain. I am making an assumption that she was in pain based on the way she twisted and contorted her face (I didn't know her face could look like that) and nearly jumped out of the bed when he squeezed.  Needless to say it didn't take him long to determine that stitches were needed.

So the doc left to request one of the nurses to bring a "sewing" kit to the room.  20 minutes later he popped his head into the room to see if the kit was there yet.  It wasn't.  He returned 10 minutes later with a kit in his hands.

1:30AM  Doc finally has everything he needs and is ready to begin.  He starts by getting out a syringe and filling it with the anesthetic to numb the thumb.  At this point, being the good, supportive husband that I am, I used my hands to give Melissa a visual of just how big the syringe and needle were as she was unable to see it from her vantage point.  For some reason this earned me a dirty look and a "Shut up" from her.

The doc took the anesthetic filled needle and stuck her thumb all around the knuckle (supposedly this is where most of the nerve endings are) to try and numb it.  After a few minutes he tested the thumb to see if it still had any feeling.  It did.  This meant there would be a second round of numbing.  Round 2 saw him stick the needle around and directly in the wound.  I should note that once again Melissa appeared to be in at least a little bit of pain as the doc stuck her wound over and over and over with the needle.  I think she actually got a few inches off the bed this time as he did this.  But the important thing was her thumb was numb.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Or maybe it's just the overhead light I see and am having trouble making it out as my eyelids are getting heavy.  Either way we're on the home stretch since he is now actually sewing up the wound.

2:30AM  3½ hours and 6 stitches later we are finally ready to leave.  Now, I realize we could have been there much longer had there been accident victims, gunshot victims or a swine flu outbreak, but there was no one else there when we got there and only a couple of people when we were leaving, including one person standing in the hall holding his bleeding thumb.  So, the way I see it there is no reason that I should not have been in my bed by 12:30AM at the latest.  Alas, all is well... Melissa is still able to count to 10 on her hands.  The stitches come out in a few days and we are taking the necessary precautions at home to ensure that she does not have access to any sharp objects without adult supervision.

Well, you've  made it this far and have reached the solicitation portion of the post.  This is the second year in a row that Melissa has made a visit to the ER in January.  Last year she had the flu and became so dehydrated that she blacked out for a short period prompting a call to 911.  Since it appears that she is going to make late night trips to the ER in January an annual event we are now putting friends and family on notice that they need to be available at the drop of a hat to come to our house when she decides it's time for her visit in January 2011.

P.S. Here is your medical tip for the day:  When you have a cut, scratch, scrape, gash, laceration or other wound it is best to clean it with just tap water.  If you have something like a medicine syringe or nasal aspirator (i.e. snot sucker) to squirt the water over the wound then that is even better.  That helps to blow the bacteria out of the wound.  Using antiseptic, peroxide, etc. can actually damage the skin and cause the healing process to take longer.